6 Rumors You Could Totally Make Up About Pygmy Right Whales and No One Would Know the Difference

You probably know by now that scientists in New Zealand have just discovered a whale that everyone thought was extinct for 2 million years. Little is known about Pygmy Right Whales because they rarely come to shore. So, we imagined our own exclusive interview that never happened with one of these mysterious creatures and present these 6 rumors that have been subjected to absolutely no fact checking.
Question: How do you deal with the loneliness of being the last surviving family member?
Answer: It’s tough. I have to push myself to get out there and make new friends. I tired omegle, but every time I meet a nice stranger to chat with, they disconnect as soon as I mention I’m 21 feet long and have a distinctive snout.
Question: Is it true you’re going to be on the Dr. Phil Show soon?
Answer: Sure, my people are talking with his people. But if he tries to pitch me that weight loss book, he’ll be the one crying.
Question: Do you feel like the general public just doesn’t get you?
Answer: Tell me about it. We’re all just so tired of being known as the animal with a hole in it.
Question: What do see in store for the future?
Answer: Glad you asked. Now that we’re up to Twilight 5, I think the whole vampire thing has peaked. I predict whales will be the next big thing.
Question: I know I may be treading on sensitive ground here, but how is the lawsuit going?
Answer: Let’s just say this thing with Jonah has been dragging on so long it's Biblical. The guy stays three nights and skips out on his bill?
Question: What’s your favorite snack food?
Answer: Now that’s an easy one. I eat Whale Tails Tortilla Chips. I’m especially partial to the Organic Blue Corn infused with Chia, the ancient Mayan super seed. It’s the secret to my survival.
Seriously, of course all of us at Whale Tails are excited about this news. As Felix Marx, a paleontologist at the University of Otago, said "It's the last survivor of quite an ancient lineage that until now no one thought was around." Contact us for more whale news and chips.